On A Jewish Holiday

After the mid-term elections, Barack Hussein Obama, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a psychic about the date of his death.

Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future, she finds the answer: “You will die on a Jewish holiday.”

“Which one?” Obama asks nervously.

“It doesn’t matter,” replied the psychic. “Whenever you die, it’ll be a Jewish holiday.”

What a memory!

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is
not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs  to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of
coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip
of his coffee.

‘What’s the matter, dear?’ she whispers as she
steps into the room. ‘Why are you down here at
this time of night?’

The husband looks up from his coffee, ‘It’s the 20th
Anniversary of the day we met.’

She can’t believe he has remembered and starts to tear
up.

The husband continues, ‘Do you remember 20 years ago
when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only
16,’ he says solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears.

‘Yes, I do,’ she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

‘Do you remember when your father caught us in the back
seat of my car?’

‘Yes, I remember,’ said the wife, lowering herself
into the chair beside him.

The husband continued. ‘Do you remember when he
shoved the shotgun in my face and said, “Either you
marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20
years?’

‘I remember that, too,’ she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, ‘I would
have gotten out today.’

 Michael Davis, Comedic Juggler at Ford’s Theater

With the Reagans, Speaker Tip O’Neil (D), and Sen. Howard Baker (R), Senate majority leader and White House chief of staff in the front row.